What type are you in?

You can’t judge a book by its cover. Nevertheless, it’s tough to find individuals who judge others strictly on merit. First impression could be the last impression but it may not always be true. Do we become too judgmental about something or someone a little too fast? Indian weddings are the best occasions to observe this trait. A bride would be naturally a touch anxious on the big day. However, people tend to draw hasty conclusions; ‘She seems reserved’, ‘She doesn’t look a person who will mix-up’ and the like are in the air! And the facts could be otherwise.

Why weddings alone, many tend to form an opinion about a person in the very first meeting. What’s more intriguing is they often see negative sides. Barely have I observed people noticing positives. One who comes to mind is one of my distant relatives. He is a director of an MNC. One of my friends recently joined his organisation. On asking about her, he told me that it was too early to pass any judgment. Not only did he not pass any judgment but also allowed him time to observe keeping every possibility open.

Not many would trust maids and servants easily but who says the working class is always dishonest? Honesty is not the ownership of the rich, cultured and educated. When some valuable thing is missing, the working class comes under the microscope. What right we have to accuse a servant, who works by the sweat of his brow?  A well-known jeweller lost his sheen when he accused his trusted aide, who had served at his place for 30-years, after finding diamond jewellery missing. However, he openly apologised when the precious piece was found. He had misplaced it himself!  

Things may be exactly opposite of what we perceive. It comes as a shocker to me every time when chemistry between a man and a woman is viewed as an affair. When the opposite sexes are on good terms, many suddenly start smelling something ‘fishy’. It reminds me of an Oscar-winning English movie where friendship between a man and a woman helps better their respective married lives.

We may miss on nice sides of people or situations by passing hasty judgments. Does negativity in us make us see darker sides? Why not look up our sleeve? Once, a friend of mine, who was returning home on a bike little late at night, felt a man was following her. Taking him as an eve-teaser, she slowed down and confronted him. He turned out to be a gentleman wanting to ensure her safety seeing her travel alone late night.

While being judgmental, we must be aware that there could more than what meets the eye. A story in Reader’s Digest says it all. A woman at an airport waiting room found a man sitting next to her eating her biscuits. To give a hint, she drew the packet to her side. That hardly made any difference. When the last biscuit remained, he broke it into two, ate his half and walked away. It was the height of shamelessness, she thought. When she opened her purse at the ticket counter, she saw her pack of biscuits in place. She was eating his! She wished to apologise but he had disappeared.

This seems happening with most of us. We typecast people in haste. Doing so, we may miss on the truth. Don’t ever take a fence down until you know the reason why it was put up, says G K Chesterton.

Never be in a hurry to draw inference. Before passing a judgment, be open and allow yourself time to know the facts. And yes, there has to be some amount of earnestness in you to see good in others.

-KanChan